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We've been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's constantly taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle disappeared at that point, since they had been drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She made more effort toward our bond, and must have realised better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Over the years, many in her circle have drifted apart leaving her sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired me to confirm her plans. I've just returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Finally involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon because their very survival relies on it and it represents they've known. It's tough as there is no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider about what you've said. And should you never reach an agreement, it provides closure from having been open and direct.